Hi, my name is…what?

Given that LA is a tough place to raise a girl (you constantly see pre-teens walking around in bikini’s in the beach communities and in the city, 16 year olds with 10 kids is pretty standard) we wanted to come up with a good, strong Indian girl name for our little one.  I had a plethora of bada$$ boy names (including Kailash, Narayan and Darshan) but Indian girl names – there really isn’t much other than the standard named-after-a-flower-or-bird and I needed a name that met the following criteria:

-Pronounceable by White People (this is hands down the most difficult part.  I mean you guys see anything over 4 letters in a name and just shut down)

-Not Ugly (Ashita is a pretty name if you live in India but in the US, let’s face it, your name has the word “shit” in it)

-Good Meaning (my bro’s name means Conquerer of the universe, and my sister’s means Infinite.  Their kids names mean all kinds of great things too including “victorious” and “triumphant” .  I cannot have my kid be the only one in the crew with a name like “small bird” or “pretty flower”)

-Not too Indian-y.  This was Jose’s request. He actually said he was happy we are having a girl because he hated the boys names I had picked out. Apparently he hated them for all these years and just hoped I would “forget” about them when the time came.  But I do see where he’s coming from.  Super Indian-y names are not as attractive as super Latin-y names. I mean, take Isabella vs. Pooja.  Pooja doesn’t stand a chance.  And not just because it has the word poo in it. 

-No strange spelling that does not help people figure out what your name is. For example, my name Sakuntala. Yes, I agree, it is awesome. But it’s hard to handle because there is an “h” sound in there yet there is no “h” to be found in the spelling.  I found that so damn confusing as a kid, hence the name we all know and love, Tuni.   

We ended up meeting 4 out 5.  The name Kali has pretty much stuck since we said it and even though my parents are devastated (you’ll see why in a minute), Jose’s family is on board and so are my bro and sis. And hopefully you guys too.  Kali is a Hindu goddess, she is the most misunderstood of all of them since she was created to destroy.  So she has been unfairly called the Goddess of Destruction.  But one must destroy in order to create, right? Exactly. And Goddess Kali was borne out of a time of great strife and so she destroyed all that was evil in order to allow good to be created. Unfortunately, if you google images of Goddess Kali she is exactly what a Destroyer of Evil should look like. F’ing terrifying. You will most likely freak out at the pictures so chances are we will have to ban Little Kali from googling her name until she’s at least 18.  And Jose’s name too, since it’s all mug shots of criminals.

I know her name is going to be mispronounced like crazy but so was mine, and so was Jose’s, and yes, it is SO annoying but it builds character, patience and humor. For the record, it is pronounced Kah-lee. Rhymes with Bali. Not Cali, like California, not Kay-lee and certainly not Kylie.  This will be the last time I correct you, ok?